Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
