would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
