I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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