In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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