Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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