I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
