can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
