cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He felt like a one man threesome
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
