I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
