I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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