Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
