Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
MIDGETS
????
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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