Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize