Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
