your room smells of hookers.
And success
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
