i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
