On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
