its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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