North Korea, Best Korea!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there is puke in my bra ... again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
