You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
