I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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