Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize