we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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