Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
