I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
