oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
