flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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