Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
