I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
