dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
