he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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