Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
