I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
