I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
