He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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