Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
