So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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