I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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