wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
