Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
