the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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