either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
