i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
