God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
