i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
