I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
