Sponge bath it is.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
