Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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