you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
