i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
