Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
