he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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