It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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