I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize