he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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