Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize