just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
