you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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