I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Please don't give away my fajitas
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
