Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
