You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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