No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
