weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
