My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's never too late to be topless.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
