I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
