I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
