just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
