Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
