My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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