Yo dont text me then not text me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
