Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize