i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
