I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
