Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
