So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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