he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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