How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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