the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
