The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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