ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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