i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
