What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
