I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
