Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it's great music for shaving your balls
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
