I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
