You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
