It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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