I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
