I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize