My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
