His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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