Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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