I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
