I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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