Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
