I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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