my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
