Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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