Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize