we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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