we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
