my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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