i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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