If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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