What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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