my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
