I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
this is an emotional support booty call
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
